Week 5 - Sunday Storylines

All aboard the Lane Train – Lane Kiffin heard the fraud allegations after last week and responded in a big way. Instead of shit talkin’ and nipple twistin’, Kiffin pulled the “somebody call the ambulance, but not for me” meme out against LSU.

The Ole Miss offense absolutely cooked tonight, tuning up the Tigers for a whopping 706 yards and 55 points en route to a statement win for Kiffin, Jaxson Dart and Ole Miss.

This game got real drunk and disorderly from the opening kick, and it sort of embodied all the craziness we love about college football. And at the end of the night, rumor has it the Rebel band played NECK.

Down goes Duke – You want some big boy football? I bring you big boy football.

This was a meat grinder of a game, with both defenses having plenty to bow up about. After Duke took the lead late, they had the Irish on the ropes thanks to some timely blitzes on the possible game-winning drive. But the defense went soft when it mattered most. ND quarterback Sam Hartman scampered for a crucial first down with their backs against the wall, and running back Audric Estime put the cherry on top with a breakaway 30-yard game-winning touchdown to cap off a 10-play, 95-yard drive for the Irish.

Big ups to the Irish for finding a way to win this. This is the type of win that keeps you squarely in the CFP conversation.

Bowers hour – Auburn did a great job of collectively keeping the nation on the edge of its seats with how they played against Georgia today. The Tigers only finished with 88 passing yards, but by hook or by crook or by hard-running, they kept themselves standing in the ring with the champ.

But when push came to shove, the back-to-back champs answered the bell. When in doubt, get the ball to Brock Bowers with the game on the line. Thanks to Bowers, the Bulldogs nearly avoided the upset by a score of 27-20.

Georgia is sort of playing with fire here letting these far inferior teams hang around like this. I’m sure it won’t come back to bite them in the ass later on or anything.

Texas turns up – I called my shot earlier in the week saying that this is the type of game this new-look Texas team would never lose…and despite them trying their hardest for a while, they handily took care of the Jayhawks 40-14. This was always going to be an uphill climb for KU, and it got a lot harder without Jayden Daniels going out. No shame in losing today.

U-S-See I told you – There are going to be certain stretches of the year where USC’s offense is going to resemble an erupting volcano versus a tiny island town village. No matter how much a defense tries to resist, the volcano decides how much it wants to hurt you.

It looked this way for a while on Saturday, but credit to Colorado for coming back and making it a good game. We all got to spend three hours watching two extremely fun quarterbacks chuck it around and it was a good time.

I’m here to report that USC still very much has an Alex Grinch ass defense and it’s going to royally bite them in the ass in the not-so-distant future.

Bluegrass beatdown – Build the damn Ray Davis statue right this minute. That man was on a mission today, and he singlehandedly shoved the Florida defense and Billy Napier into a locker.

My man had 26 carries for 280 yards and 3 TDs, and weirdly enough those stats don’t do it justice. He kicked so much ass and Kentucky looked like a big ol’ bully today. Good for them.

Gig ‘em – Despite being down to backup Max Johnson, the Aggies soldiered on to beat SEC West foe Arkansas 34-22. I don’t want to say the Aggies look better with Johnson at the helm…but they look different and that’s something. I still think they have enough talent to be a tough out in the SEC West as we go down the stretch.

On the other hand, yikes. Yeah, Arkansas is stinky bad. There is something rotten about that offense right now and I wonder if the Pitboss might be looking for a new job come January.

Bigger, stronger, faster – Not that it was at all surprising, but Bama just looked bigger and better when compared to Mississippi State Saturday night. The Tide sort of just Donkey Kong smashed their way to running all over the Bulldogs. I still think Bama is staring down the barrel of double-digit wins.

Beeeeeeavs – I’m here to report that Oregon State still does have that dog in them. I know it was against a backup quarterback, but I was impressed with the Beavers 21-7 victory over a tough ass Utah team. The Pac-12 is shaping up to be hella fun down the stretch.

James Madison is a wagon – No need to mince words, James Madison is an absolute wagon. They took it to a good South Alabama team today and they currently sit 5-0 with wins over Virginia, Troy and USA. They’re shaping up to be the favorite in the Sun Belt East.

Life Alert Dave Aranda – Through two and a half quarters, I think the college football world called 9-1-1 and asked for a welfare check to be done on Dave Aranda and the Baylor football program.

But by the grace of God (and UCF’s criminal game mismanagement), Baylor went on a 29-0 run to smash and grab a 36-35 win on the road. Things still look bleak in Waco, but I’m mildly impressed they didn’t just lay down and quit today.

America’s team – America’s team aka Texas State, can’t stop winning. Our beloved Bobcats hung 50 on a very questionable Southern Miss team. It’s already their fourth win of the year. Can’t wait to watch my Bobcats go bowling!

Anemic Iowa – I don’t care that Iowa won 26-16, they should be disgusted with themselves. They can’t keep getting away with this shit. They let a quit-watch-eligible Spartan team hang around far too long.

Air Force might be a wagon? – We will wait to see what Wagon Expert Tom Fornelli says on Monday, but Air Force might also be a wagon. They’re 5-0 and are wiping the floor with teams to start the year.

-3 Lousiville vs. NC State – -1 unit

Indiana vs. -14 Maryland – +1 unit

NIU vs. -13.5 Toledo - -1 unit

New Mexico vs. Wyoming OVER 41 - +1 unit