Week 2 - The Call Sheet

Little Ole Clemson — I can’t believe that a coach who refuses to brace the modernity of the sport, the transfer portal, NIL or anything else would get lapped by a perennial conference doormat. You have to feel bad for a small school like Clemson.

LS-PU — LSU and Brian Kelly got dragged on national TV in what was supposed to be the game of the weekend. It’s early, but that FSU offense looks legit and the LSU offense looks severely lacking.

Nebraska’s late-game antics — Who could’ve guessed that Nebraska would find a way to blow a fourth-quarter lead and lose a one-score game? I don’t know the fix here but something has to change.

Makin’ waves — No. 24 Tulane handily beat a good South Alabama team 37-17. Michael Pratt is a legit quarterback and I’m banking that this won’t be the last time we hear from Tulane this season.

A modern miracle — I wrote about this on Saturday night but a modern miracle happened in Waco…and I’m not talking about the Ted Cruz curse. GJ Kinne took a broken program and after one offseason and an offensive revamp, he has Texas State looking like a classic air-it-out Texas HS team in all the best ways. I really liked what I saw.

THE PAC 12 IS BACK — Shoutout to the Pac 12 for holding it down the first two weeks of the new season. The soon-to-be-defunct conference is a whopping 13-0. Good for them.

Texas vs. Alabama

All eyes will be on Tuscaloosa on Saturday evening when these two heavyweight programs square off. And aside from the obvious BIG NAME vs. BIG NAME nature of the matchup, this one has plenty of intrigue.

Remember, this is supposed to be the Longhorns’ year. Texas is Back. And they’re led by the now mullet-less Quinn Ewers. Ewers had his sort of breakout moment last year against Alabama, only for it to be cut short due to a shoulder injury. In that same game, we say Bama quarterback Bryce Young helped put up 10 fourth-quarter points en route to a 20-19 win in Austin. This year, I’m hoping an injury isn’t the storyline and we see the full offense on display.

For Bama, their quarterback situation remains unclear. Jalen Milroe had some WOW moments in their opening week victory against Middle Tennessee State, but this will be his and the Bama offense’s first real test. Milroe is a special runner but can he pass his way through the game when his team needs him? Can Texas break some big plays against potentially the best defense in the country? Does Texas attempt to spy Milroe and force him to make plays with his arm? Will we get over/under 10 Arch Manning references despite the fact that he won’t play at all?

These are the things I can’t wait to find out.

Nebraska vs. Colorado

Heading into this old Big 12 rivalry in Boulder, there are a pair of dueling narratives for both teams.

Colorado appears on top of the world fresh off their 45-42 upset win over TCU. Deion Sanders talked the talk and his team walked the walk–led by his son Shedeur Sanders and his other son, as he put it, in wide receiver/corner Travis Hunter. Coach Prime proclaimed in the post-game that he kept the receipts of the doubters. He’s still talking, too. And the nation is taking notice. What started as a -7 or so line in favor of the Huskers has swung a long way in the other direction. The nation took note of the Buffs’ success and is buying in.

For the Huskers, things couldn’t feel more different after a season-opening loss to Minnesota. Rhule and the Huskers ushered in a new era of Husker football much like they left the last one: with fourth-quarter heartbreak and a lot left to be desired.

And it’s not just the teams, either. Shedeur Sanders has suddenly vaulted into the Heisman conversation, while Nebraska quarterback Jeff Sims has taken a tumble in the eyes of Husker faithful. But the important thing to remember with this matchup, as is with a lot of things in life, is that the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

The national conversation around this game is centered around how many points Colorado’s vaunted offense will rack up or how badly they’ll beat the Huskers. But I’m going to slightly zag here. I think there’s a solid recipe for the Huskers to keep this thing close.

Run the ball (against CU’s less-than-convincing defense), control the clock, minimize the amount of difficult throws Sims has to make and try to limit the number of possessions the Buffs get on offense.

Difficult task? Yes. Impossible task? I don’t think so.

Texas A&M vs. Miami

Wanna see what happens when oil money meets insurance fraud? Let’s find out together.

These teams just feel sorta sleezy, and I’m having a really hard time getting a read on this game whatsoever. Last year, these two duked it out for the crown of Wildly Expensive Underachiever and I think I speak for both fanbases in saying they both just hope to avoid that same scenario this season.

A&M quarterback Conner Weigman tossed 5 touchdowns last week (albeit against New Mexico) and that’s a somewhat encouraging sign for Aggie fans. Under this new Bobby Petrino-led offense the Aggies will aim to score points and get the ball in the hands of all their five-star talent.

On the flip side, we have a Miami team that was incredibly disappointing last year. Mario’s homecoming got straight-up ruined in 2022. Quarterback Tyler Van Dyke did OK on Saturday and Canes fans are just hoping he can regain his 2021 form. Remains to be seen.

The thing to remember with this matchup is that both of these teams should be good. They should be players in their respective conference title races. And they should vastly overperform last year’s metrics. Your guess is as good as mine on whether either of them will.

Iowa vs. Iowa State

Over here, we pray at the beautiful disaster altar of El Assico. And while this game brings a certain deranged, sicko glean to my eyes every season…there’s a little extra something to this year’s matchup. The gambling scandal.

Both teams spent the offseason dodging gambling allegations and despite their damnedest try, this slot-machine-shaped cloud still hangs over both programs. Luckily for them, however, this game will probably be some truly disgusting football and we can all point and laugh and secretly lust for it.

And guess what, Brian Ferentz won’t be the biggest clown in attendance. No, that esteemed title is held for the Prince of the Fulton County Jail, Big Orange Cheeto himself. I’m sure there won’t be a ton of memes to come out of this game or anything.

Oregon vs. Texas Tech

In Week 1, Texas Tech did what a lot of overconfident white people do. They walked into the inherently wild nature of the American West with lots of swagger and self-confidence and left with their own ass in their hands. Simply put: You don’t just roll into Laramie and walk out unscathed.

What was supposed to be the start of something special for Joey Maguire and the Red Raiders quickly turned into a nightmare after their 35-33 2OT loss to Wyoming on Saturday night. They took their foot off the gas and managed to blow a 17-point lead to the Cowboys. Tough way to start the campaign.

On the other side, Oregon hung 81 points on Portland State and made their mascot do 500-something pushups. Poor Puddles.

The funny thing about this game is that it feels sort of Big 12 on both sides. Texas Tech because of the obvious reasons, but Oregon for their star quarterback Bo Nix. We love our big rowdy nephew Bo. He’s got a cannon for an arm and loves to sling that thing around. This should be a really fun matchup for neutrals and diehards alike.

Arizona vs. Mississippi State

Do you want chaos? Well, I bring you chaos.

This game has the potential to be off-the-damn-rails fun. Both of these teams have the appropriate amount of ‘fuck it’ to their games and I think this will be worth watching.

The Wildcats have a pretty frisky and fun quarterback in Jayden de Laura and I’m curious to see if he can make life difficult against a Mississippi State defense that didn’t totally impress me in Week 1.

Despite the offensive revamp post-Mike Leach, Will Rogers is still a good quarterback and should be able to make enough plays to get a win at home. The Bulldogs really need this win, so I expect them to play with a sense of urgency and get after Arizona early and often.

Holy Cross (straight up) vs. Boston College - 1 unit - Perhaps my favorite FCS upset pick of the year.

-7 Utah vs. Baylor - 1 unit - I like Utah to beat up on a backup QB.

Kent State vs. -38 Arkansas - 1 unit - Kent State can’t stop a nosebleed.

-3.5 UCF vs. Boise State - 1 unit - I think UCF will pound the rock and get the better of a Boise team that got walloped by UW.