Week 2 - Sunday Storylines

Texas. Is. Back.

No qualms, no debate, no posturing. Texas is back. They did not only the improbable but really something that felt like the impossible: Going on the road and knocking off a Top-5 ranked Alabama.

Texas quarterback Quinn Ewers played his balls off and made the magic happen when the Longhorns needed it. With two fourth-quarter touchdowns, he and the Longhorns handed Nick Saban his first double-digit home loss of the GOAT’s career.

Does this 34-24 Texas win mean they’re playoff-bound? Hard to say. Let’s see them win the Big 12 first, though.

For Bama, this loss predictably signified the limitations of the Tide’s offense with Milroe at the helm. Bama will probably still win 10 or so games but this doesn’t feel like a team that can win a natty.

A Primetime pummeling

If we’re calling what the Nebraska offense did last week as “shotgunning their genitalia” then we have to describe this week’s showing as shoving your hand inside the garbage disposal, flipping the switch on and then wondering why there’s blood and food scraps plastered onto the kitchen walls.

The Cornhusker offense can’t go a week without completely imploding on themselves, and today was a prime example of that. Their defense did a really great job–especially in the first half–but this game slipped away when Nebraska quarterback Jeff Sims and the offense coughed up a trio of fumbles. For good measure, Sims even tossed a hilariously bad interception right at a Buffs defender.

A week off their biggest win in a really long time, it would’ve been easy for CU to lay an egg. And while they came out sluggish by their standards, they finished strong. Shedeur Sanders maintained a high level of patience and as the game went on he picked apart a tired Husker defense en route to a 36-14 win.

Things look pretty grim if you’re a Husker fan. Sims really struggled. Satterfield couldn’t get the offense in rhythm. And that combo–Sims with Satterfield–feels like a recipe for pain and suffering. Nebraska might have a really good defense and it’s probably going to be wasted on a 3-win team.

Baylor got backdoored

Utah pulled the carefree college kid move where they didn’t show up for a single lecture all year, never did the homework and by the grace of God (and Adderall) did just well enough on the final to pass the class.

In a battle of backup quarterbacks, Utah somehow survived a sluggish offensive showing with a killer fourth-quarter flurry. After putting up a measly 211 yards through three quarters, the Utes ripped off nearly 150 fourth-quarter yards and two touchdowns to steal this game 20-13.

Utah has won two games with a platooned quarterback system, while Baylor starts the year 0-2. Feels like these teams are trending in opposite directions right now.

Magic in Miami

Much like a lot of boys’ trips to Miami, Texas A&M left disappointed, a lot lighter in the wallet and with the taste of regret in their mouth.

This was our first true Anxiety Bowl of the season and it did not disappoint. Big credit goes to Mario Cristobal and the Miami offense, led by Tyler Van Dyke Dyme. TVD lit up the Aggies to the tune of 374 yards and 5 TDs in a 48-33 win.

Both of these teams feel a lot better than last year, and there’s something to be said about that. But that sure-as-shit ain’t gonna stop the Aggie faithful from hammering the panic button and asking the tough questions about Jimbo on the TexAgs message boards.

El Assico was indeed…quite assy

Iowa-ISU is always going to be a stinky pile of shit kind of game. Always. And yet every year I’m amazed at how boring, bad and unappetizing the football is.

Brian Ferentz and that wet fart he calls an offense struggled for the second straight week, and yet the Hawkeyes somehow won 20-13. I not-so-secretly think both of these teams stink.

Let me paint you a quick, stupid Iowa scenario: Iowa’s offense continues to stink, they win enough games to sit atop the B10 West, need to hit 40-something in their last game against Nebraska to meet the Drive to 25 contract obligation, fail to do so, and Ferentz is forced to fire his son despite the Hawkeyes going to Indianapolis. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Lane Train keeps rollin’

Ole Miss-Tulane was pretty damn entertaining, even though we missed out on watching Michael Pratt deal for the Green Wave.

In what was sort of a trap game for Ole Miss, turned into a backdoor over and a comfortable 37-20 win for the Rebels. I’m still not sure how good Ole Miss is but with the upper echelon of the SEC West all sitting with one loss apiece, the Rebels have done what others haven’t.

Cardiac Carolina

The best thing that I can say about North Carolina surviving against Appalachian State is that last year, they definitely lose that type of game. Let’s call it progress.

Drake Maye was largely held in check, but the Tar Heels took to the ground to eke out a 40-34 win in 2OT. This whole thing feels like it’s shaping up for a North Carolina-FSU mega showdown and I’m very much here for it.

MORE COWBELL

On Thursday, I promised that the Arizona-Mississippi State game would be the most chaotic game on the slate, and by and large, it lived up to that hype. Arizona quarterback Jayden de Laura tossed 4 INTs and yet he and the Cats hung around to force OT in Starkville.

MSU opened the OT period with a very suspect screen for a touchdown and when push came to shove, the defense got it done. On fourth and long, de Laura scrambled for a long gain, only to be stopped inches short of the line to gain.

Despite Will Rogers passing for career-low attempts, the Dawgs are 2-0 and the Zach Arnett era starts with a pair of victories.

The L stands for Lubbock

In what was predictably one of the weirdest, most entertaining games of the day, Oregon and Texas Tech certainly didn’t disappoint. Both teams came out guns blazing, which resulted in this game having a little bit of everything.

Against his former team, Texas Tech quarterback Tyler Shough looked good until he didn’t. He was really up and down with 3 TDs and 3 INTs, with the biggest pick coming when Oregon DB Jeffrey Bassa hauled one in and took it to the house with 35 seconds left to seal the 38-30 win for the Ducks.

Oregon survived in a very difficult environment and that’s about all you can ask for. For Tech, this was supposed to be a really promising year. And maybe it still can be. But this is a really tough start for Maguire and the Red Raiders.

Wazzzzzzu

There were always going to be a few bumps in the road for Luke Fickell and Wisconsin in Year 1. Transitioning your offense in such a drastic way is really hard. But hot damn, what a good win for Wazzu.

In what’s been an absolutely nightmarish few months for their conference and school, and yet the Cougars put all that behind them to notch a Top 20 victory. Rank the Cougs. File this one away under the Pac 12 is still fun and worth watching category.

Holy Cross (straight up) vs. Boston College - 1 unit

-7 Utah vs. Baylor - Push

Kent State vs. -38 Arkansas - 1 unit

-3.5 UCF vs. Boise State - 1 unit