Week 0 - Sunday Storylines

Same, Matt. Same.

Notre Dame 42, Navy 3.

One of the few things I could think about during this game was: a) I’m so freaking glad college football is back and b) the triple option might be completely cooked as a competent offense in the year of our lord 2023.

Navy has a negative 87-0 scoring margin in the opening half of the first game of the season in the last four years, and that played out today. This felt like big brother versus little brother. Notre Dame sorta leaned on Navy with their ground game and then Sam Hartman made light work through the air.

Hartman should be really fun for the Irish this year, but we learned nothing after this game. Well, I shouldn’t say nothing. I guess he is choosing to wear his surgically removed rib as a necklace…and that’s something.

The best part of this game was the beer snake. Shoutout to those fans in Ireland.

COCKS OUT FOR RICH ROD

I correctly predicted this would be the game of the night. Our beloved Jacksonville State Gamecocks won their first CUSA game in a delightful fashion, intercepting the UTEP QB on what was basically the last play of the game.

Let me say this…what an absolute disaster class from UTEP HC Dana Dimel. Dimel had an o-line that was working and he chose to throw two deep passes on both 3rd and 4th and 1. I repeat: disaster class coaching.

Jax State was pretty fun, I’m not going to lie. Bold strategy from their fearless leader, Rich Rodriguez, for wearing a gray t-shirt in 100-degree weather. We respect the hustle around here.

Between Jax State’s QB giving me big Ray “Voodoo” Tatum vibes and UTEP lining up in the most diabolical formation I’ve ever seen, I was in heaven.

I was living and dying with this result and I’m just glad my beloved Gamecocks came away with the 17-14 win.

SDSU 20, Ohio 13

Look man, I was devastated seeing our beloved Canadian Cowboy Kurtis Rourke go down with what looked like a concussion at the end of the first quarter. When Rourke left, that dissolved what hope I had in the Bobcat offense. I really thought both he and the Bobcats could notch a big win here.

Brady Hoke’s team did a good job of smash-mouthing and dragging the Bobcats and this game into the mud. Screw you, Brady Hoke.

UMASS KICKIN’ ASS

I didn’t watch a ton of this game, but every time I tuned it I saw Don Brown and his team kicking a ton of ass. The only other real thing of note was that there was a..wait for it…DRONE STOPPAGE in the second quarter. You can’t make this shit up.

This is the type of shit you see in Las Crussas, New Mexico, and nowhere else.

I’m kinda shocked that Don and his boys walked into New Mexico and escaped with a win..but credit where credit is due. They dominated. They won 41-30 and that’s the most points they’ve scored in what feels like five years. Don Brown forever.

Caleb Williams doing Caleb Williams things

Caleb Williams and Zachariah Branch showed their entire asses in the very best way against San Jose State. Both of these dudes are legit ballers. Williams is proving why he might repeat as a Heisman winner. Branch showed why he’s trying to break onto the scene in a major, major way.

Credit to SJSU for hanging tight for a while, but we all knew how this one was going to end.

One doesn’t walk into Ruston and walk out with a win

FIU threw for four…yes four yards. I can’t help you there.

Boise transfer Hank Bachmeier went 34/44 and tallied over 300 yards. Good for him. I’m just glad no one walked into Ruston, LA, and walked away with a W.

Vandy…not good enough

The ‘Dores did not handle business against Hawaii. No matter how you slice it, Vandy did not perform.

We lost our bet, and it was the last game of the weekend. I’m bummed. I wish Clark Lea would’ve handled business. Oh, whale.

Navy vs. -20 Notre Dame – +1 unit

+2.5 Ohio vs. San Diego State – -1 unit

UTEP vs. +1 Jacksonville State – +1 unit

UMASS vs. -8 New Mexico State – -1 unit

Hawaii vs. -17.5 Vanderbilt – -1 unit

-1 units on the year